Frazzle Rock

A chain of events at the office that have transpired recently that served to wake me up from my blissful comfyzone, a magnificent epic of sorts that is worth its weight in storytelling time...

The episode is related in an e-mail that was sent to my office colleagues, who have largely responded in the warmest fashion...

Hello,
I have the dubious distinction of relating to you a rather bizarre and unhinging set of events that have unfolded since Friday. As of Friday evening, breathlessly awaiting our GMC anniversary bash, I was shocked to discover that my car (which was parked in the basement) had not one, not two, not even three, but ALL FOUR tyres completely deflated. A few inquiries revealed that Logitech Park security, in all their eternal wisdom and perennial good humour, had indeed flattened the tyres upon finding that the vehicle was parked just outside a parking bay and in the corridor. However, there were no signs or pointers to indicate that it was an illegal spot, and when certain lapses in communication meant that I could not be notified of the error, security decided to invoke all their latent malicious intent and teach me a lesson as they saw fit. Upon discovering this vile, vicious and vindictive act, I sought to understand the rationale behind such deliberate malevolence and approached the Logitech Park security chiefs. A brusque and obnoxious gent by the name of Gurjeet Singh assured me that this was 'policy' and that I had better take up the issue with DB security, since they had apparently been notified of the violation several times before Logitech decided to impart justice. Thinking no more of the incident (or at least temporarily brushing it aside), I deliberated that I couldn't be bothered to deal with this and would stage a salvage operation on Monday (ie today).
This afternoon I stepped out to the tyre repair shop at Saki Naka junction, and returned after a brief five minutes, only to be denied access to Logitech Park from the Out gate. The security cordon there insisted that they would make no exception and that I would have to walk in with all the other pedestrians from the In gate. Their snarling tone and unpleasant demeanor didn't go unnoticed, but I relented and obeyed. I decided to request an audience with their superiors to lodge a formal complaint against them, whiile also to inquire as to whether security would provide me with some assistance for my car. What transpired next defies all sanity, for as soon as I made my way back to the Out gate to speak with the security guards, they lunged at me, threatening to throw me off the premises for having walked across the lawn. Before I knew it, I was surrounded by six or seven goons, who pounced like rabid pitbulls, jostling and pushing even as I tried to evade their grasp. Amidst all the chaos and melee, passers-by stopped to witness the fiasco (as most Indians would), even as Logitech's minions grew more aggressive and threatening, going to the point of grabbing my arm and pulling me towards the gate. Fortituously, I broke free and ran down the driveway, thinking that I would dart into the main security office to have a word or two with Mr. Singh about the conduct of his staff. However as fortune would have it, he stood halfway down the driveway, having already been intimated by walkie-talkie about my apparent disregard for their anal retentive idealisms.
Gurjeet Singh, without warning , latched onto my wrists and refused to let go, as his henchmen caught up with me, puffing and panting with exertion. They then began spewing tall tales of how I had assaulted them and invalidated their rulebook in one fell swoop of gross misconduct. When I insisted that I not be physically manhandled in this way, Gurjeet launched into a spiel of how I would be 'extradited' from Logitech Park (how about ex-communicated, or exiled, or even evicted?) on a permanent basis while being fired from DB (crikey!), while growling in sinister undertones that my car would never have the pleasure of another drive. At this point I had firmly established that verbal jousting wasn't his forte (neither is jocularity), and wanting nothing more to do with him, I requested that he call his superior, Mr. Vivek S.
Mercifully, some measure of sense was restored when his superiors did arrive, and very kindly offered to provide manpower to get my car running again. Also, much to my pleasure, they chastised poor Mr. Gurjeet for wreaking havoc and wilfully and intentionally damaging private property. It has now been firmly established that as part of Logitech's policy, no more tyres will be deflated, and the penalty for such a minor infraction as parking in a wrong spot will be limited to a fine or clamping. And so to summarise this strange set of circumstances, I believe DB would do well to include GMC employment welfare as part of their Corporate Social Responsibility programme. As many employees will testify, Logitech Park's laws are often unreasonable and totalitarian, and they would do well to make a few select changes to their interpretation of the rulebook.
I felt that I ought to report this to you to put forth my viewpoint on how conditions for employees are deteriorating here. I also urge you to make a noise about this so that changes for the better can be put into effect.